Monday, March 26, 2012

The Joy in Lost

Well, now that all the fun stuff is outta the way, all that's left to do is think about is the "grown-up" stuff like bill payments while I'm away, finding a good temporary home for my kitty, and making sure I have all my papers, passports, money, and tickets ready to go.

Oh the joy...

As you can tell, this part of the process doesn't THRILL me so I haven't been on the euphoric high I once was when I started this blog, which means my craziness level reached an all-time high last week. The friends that have seen me in the last week, know what I've been like. My mind races and I stress myself out by examining every little detail to make sure I don't make a wrong move.

One of my friends told me to enjoy the process leading up to the trip because it's part of the experience too so I've been really trying really hard to enjoy all the moments - fun or not. And while I realize all of this stress and anxiety is self-made (as another friend pointed out), I feel I really need to bring it on and face all those uncomfortable feelings a little more often than I do.

When 2012 came around, I told myself that I would push myself to try new things, do new things, face any fears...basically scare the shit outta myself. Having been in relationships for the past 10 years (wow...crazy), it was easy to hide behind someone or find an excuse NOT to do things. This hindered the knowing of my own limits, my own desires, even my own fears. So now that it's all me, I will push those limits by asking myself two questions: Why? or Why Not? If I can find 3 good reasons why I shouldn't do something, then I won't do it. But if I can't find 3, then why NOT do it?

Finding myself firmly back on the ground this week (and less crazed), I have found the joy in this trip-planning again. I have come to realize that I can't possibly see or do everything nor can I expect perfection. I will miss certain things, maybe forget others, and I will make mistakes along the way. It's a given and it's ok - because this, too, shall pass. It's all part of learning to push yourself, getting a little lost, and finding your way back again with a better knowledge of who you are and what you want out of life.

Oh the things I will learn. I can't wait!

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