Sunday, June 17, 2012

Home sweet home

There was a time not so long ago where I never felt settled in my home life. I never felt like I could kick my shoes off and relax the way I really wanted to, have friends over when I wanted, decorate how I wanted. The places I rented always felt "borrowed" and temporary - as if any minute we'd be picking up and moving somewhere else.

I absolutely hated this feeling.

I remember last spring I woke up one morning and said to my ex, "Let's get rid of everything and start fresh." Of course he didn't feel the same and felt it was wasteful or, worse, crazy. My justification was, "We'd be donating or selling everything so we really had nothing to lose." He still didn't get why we needed to put ourselves through all that hassle. Then again, he was always the logical (safe) one. Whereas me...well, I have crazy ideas and tend to follow them. In art class (for example), I would spend hours on a painting, see it to completion, and then white wash it so I could start again. For the record, my second "go" was far better than the first.

But I digress...

My point of view at the time was that the furniture we had been using, came from relationships past - hand-me-downs from a time when we didn't have the cash to buy something WE liked. We were older now, years into the relationship, and had some cash reserves in the bank. I felt it was about time to start building our home life the way we wanted. Unfortunately (or fortunately) we never got there.

Funny enough though, a year later, I still felt that need of cleansing myself and starting from scratch. So I did and decided Gastown would be where I settled. Not only is it minutes from work but it's around the corner from some of the best eating, drinking, and shopping spots in town. I start to wonder why I didn't do it before. But I know why I didn't and it's ok. The point is, I'm here now and I can't put to words how amazing it feels to be in a place that suits me so well. From the cobblestone streets to the colourful characters who roam those same streets, nothing has felt more right. It's eclectic, it's artistic, it's vibrant, it's home. Finally.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

One step at a time

In Europe I was taught to put one foot in front of the other instead of my usual pace of jumping leaps and bounds. There was really no other option but to live moment to moment.

Turns out this is true in life as well. Who knew?!

As my furniture was being taken away on Saturday, I noticed my cat was exhibiting some strange behaviour; Coughing, laboured breathing, panting. At first I thought it just might be a really bad hairball but since he hadn't touched his food, I knew it wasn't. After calling the vet to explain the symptoms, they told me to bring him in ASAP so I packed him up and flew to the ER clinic in a cab.

At the ER, they rushed him to the back while the front desk took my information. I had no idea what was happening but I got the sense it wasn't good. A few minutes later, the vet gave me a quote on what it would cost to diagnose his potential heart condition and get him back to good health since he was in very critical condition. I looked at the large number and was shocked at how much a little animal costs to heal. Even still, money was no object as I didn't know what the issue was so I agreed to carry through with treating and properly diagnosing him. It took all night and most of the next day to successfully stabilize his condition and be diagnosed with congestive heart failure. It's something he was born with, is 100% irreversible, and will shorten his life greatly. Luckily, he can still live a couple more happy years with the help of a daily medication. As she continued to explain everything I had to do to keep him in good health, I was overwhelmed to the point where I felt I was being buried alive. This little life was in my hands - literally. Without his daily heart pill, he will die. Talk about pressure!

My cat wasn't the only thing running through my head; I had just rid myself of ALL of my furniture. With the rest of my money going to take care of my Tucker, I had no monies left for new furniture. I was furniture-less - of my own doing too.

It's been an emotional few days but such as life I guess. Change is always hard - no matter what form it comes in - so I will embrace this adversity as I have previously and look forward to the opportunity to learn and grow stronger from it - one step at a time.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Heave ho and letting go

Looking at a room full of furniture you will be ridding yourself of, can bring up some interesting emotions.

When I was emptying out drawers, shelves, and breaking everything down for the junk removal guys, I had some weepy moments. I came to terms with the fact that I'm letting go of the life I used to have (and share) with someone. I'm letting go of the person I used to be. I'm embracing the life I've wanted for so long and transforming into the person I want to be. It's always tough to say goodbye but also just as exciting so the tears were that of sadness and joy. Who knew we could feel two opposing feelings at one time.

According to Louis L. Hay, 'In order to make room for the new, we must release the old and the outworn. This is true for physical items as well as for mental ideas'.

So I wonder what a room full of furniture equates to - other than new furniture? What new ideas, thoughts, and beliefs will come of this upheaval?

We will find out soon enough.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

A New Beginning

After signing off on my last post, I figured this blog would be a distant memory until my next big trip. To tell you the truth, I started to miss writing in it. I quite enjoyed sharing my experiences and stories with people who took the time to read it so I have decided to keep writing. Even though I may not be in Europe, I am still travelling through life as a free spirit and always have a perspective or a story to share so I will continue to write until I have nothing left to say.

As you know, the plan was to move to Vancouver after I got back. Well as of June 16th, that's exactly what I'll be doing. I found a small studio loft in Gastown which will be a 5 minute walk to work and in the vicinity of some great food, great entertainment, and great friends. I can't believe it happened so quickly but when I decide I want to do it, it tends to happen sooner than later.

The dejunking has commenced which means some buried memories and feelings have come to the surface. It's like an archaeological dig. Some things you come across are wonderful finds while others are shattered pieces of something that once was and cannot be put back together. Most of the latter, I feel I have let go of as it no longer serves a purpose in my life. This also includes furniture that was accumulated when I was coupled with someone which no longer suits my taste.

Am I frickin' nuts?! Sometimes I wonder.

Getting rid of all my furniture seems a bit mad, yes, but maybe that's why I'm enjoying it so much? For the first time in a very long time I am following my crazy gut feelings, my illogical whims, my impulsive nature, just like I used to. When I didn't have someone hovering over me, criticizing my every move. It feels good to feed that beast because the curious cat in me wonders what will come of it. What will my new life look like? And there's the beauty! I can build it, create it, fashion it...any way I want.

And this, is just the beginning.